"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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