I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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