didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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