Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Congratulations! We have a period
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