Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
