I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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