i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
