I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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