Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
