I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
