We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
