Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
