I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
