I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
