Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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