I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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