I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
birth control should be required to get into college
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
