dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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