More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
