Plan B is the new Plan A
we made out on top of his cat.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
