we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
