Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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