i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
