at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
is wine microwaveable?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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