mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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