Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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