Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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