not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
