Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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