drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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