oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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