I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
