He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
