Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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