My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize