I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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