you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
