So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
