The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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