Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
