i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize