sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
