Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This baby is an asshole
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
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