Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
