According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
