I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
