I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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