I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
