My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I supernannyed him into submission
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
