Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
