I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize