I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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