when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize