I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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