Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
