dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
