I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
it was like his penis was on wheels.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
