some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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