you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
