And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
