Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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