I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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