I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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