There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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