nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
