Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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