Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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