it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize