Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
