That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
