you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
